Insanity
by DeadlyMarionette
Summary: Sanity is not something most people lack, but though it is not something that most lack, it does not rule out insanity. Some individuals know insanity well. Far too well. Gaara centric.


Before I start, let me just tell you, there is no romance or anything in this fic. It's not that sort of story. It's not an action story, and it's not really a sequence of events. It's more of a telling. Just to tell you in advance. ;P Also, I wasn't sure about the rating, so I stuck it here too be safe. Tell me if I should change it Now, onto the fic:D

**Disclaimer:** Sadly, I do not own Gaara, Temari, Baki, or Naruto. They all belong to Masashi Kishimoto. ;P

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Sanity is not something that most people lack.

If people lacked sanity, then the world would be in chaos. Perhaps it is already chaotic, but sanity keeps the last threads of order in place. If people did not posses sanity, then those threads would break, and the world would be no more.

No, sanity is not something that most people lack.

But though sanity is not something most people lack, it does not rule out insanity. Many a man possesses insanity in some form or another. The word brings many images to mind. Perhaps the ones that come to mind first would be the obvious insanities, such as a serial killer, or a homicidal maniac.

But there are other, simpler insanities. Though most everyone has sanity, it is also true that in one form or another, most everyone has insanity. However small and insignificant, it is there. It is what turns the kindest of people into raving lunatics. It is there, dormant, in most of us. Perhaps in everyone.

Gaara knows insanity. Gaara knows it well, far more than any human should ever. But there are questions about wheather he is even human. His sanity is definitely questionable.

Gaara knows that he is insane. He doesn't know when it happened, and he doesn't truly understand why, but he knows that it is a fact. With many, it is a question of perhaps, but for him, there is no question. He is insane.

When you are insane, there are signs. Perhaps not in everyone, but in most. Gaara knows each of these, and has found some twisted way or another to apply them to himself. There should be no proof needed, but for many on the verge of insanity who do not believe the painful facts of life, they are there, clear as day, waiting to be read by their eager human eyes.

There is no written law to say that you are insane, and though the simple signs appear in most, they do not necessarily appear in _all_. Simple insanity that never blossoms to its full extent rarely even shows the slightest of these signs. But Gaara shows them all.

Gaara speaks to himself. Perhaps not to _himself, _but speaking to a demon inside of you certainly counts as insanity. He might claim that he is speaking to _Mother_, but even he knows, deep down, that that is not always true.

Murder is an easy sign as well. Well, perhaps not _murder_ in itself, but in Gaara's case, it is. If you enjoy it, then you are certainly insane, are you not? And Gaara does more than enjoy murdering. He _lives_ for it.

Breaking down screaming and clutching your head is a general notification that there is something wrong with your mind, is it not? Then why, after all those times that Gaara has done that, has no one noticed? Perhaps they do. But the solid fact is that he does scream at nothing. He does clutch his head. He does remember.

And though this may stray off the topic slightly, I think it's a matter to be discussed.

Remembering.

I said before that Gaara does not know exactly when or why he was insane. That is a questionable statement. It is true in some matter, but not in another. In a simple matter of misinterpreting the words, you can get a different message. So maybe he does, maybe he doesn't. But he understands the gist of it.

The matter of why and when tie in together. If you ask a person _when_ something happens, they will tell you what happened as well, which is the _why_. And for Gaara, there are so many possibilities that he doesn't really know which, if any, is the true reason.

Most think he was insane before birth. They believe that while he was still in his mothers' womb, he was insane. Perhaps that is so. Gaara was not born an insane child, insanity was _placed_ within him. Placed inside his body and mind in the form of the sand demon Shukaku. Perhaps he was insane the moment that that was placed inside of him.

He killed his own mother, and that in itself is insanity. But who is to say that Gaara wished for that to happen? If he did, maybe he was truly born insane. But if he didn't, then much of the true insanity happened later.

Too be exact, the event that was most likely responsible was Yashamaru. Yashamaru was a person, but his role in young Gaara's life was so important, it might as well be marked as an event, rather than a name.

To be simple and get straight to the fact, Yashamaru tried to kill Gaara. The little sandman had already been wearing down thin. The painful words of his whole village were coming down on him, however slowly. If he had not been born insane, then this was doing it. Loneliness that clutched at his heart and squeezed, squeezed until he couldn't breath and wanted to die, was taking over him.

But Yashamaru kept him going. Gaara doesn't thank Yashamaru for that. All that he did was prolong his suffering, his sanity. Gaara does not thank Yashamaru for that, for it just caused his betrayal to be all that more painful.

Betrayal hurts. Almost everyone has experienced some form of betrayal before, and however small it was, it hurts. Now, imagine Gaara's despair when the _only_ person in the world who had ever seemed to care for him in the slightest tried to kill him. You cannot imagine it, can you? No one should ever feel that pain.

That must have been when he turned insane. But yet, there is the factor of being born insane. Was he? No one knows, not even Gaara himself. So maybe he didn't turn insane at this time, when his whole life shattered down like a frail piece of glass being tossed aside. But this certainly marked the point where there was no return. Yes, after this, Gaara was _never_ the same.

Throughout the years, this was more than obvious. The hundreds—or was it thousands?—of murders that he committed were proof enough. He was an emotionless killer, a murderer, an insane little boy, and yet, this was the happiest time of his life.

No one can say if he truly enjoyed murdering, but he did do it of his own free will. He has said so himself; it gives him a reason to live. Everyone knows that Gaara's just a lonely boy who only wanted love, so you have to wonder why he turned to _killing_. Surely he would know that this would only make people hate him?

Insanity.

There's your answer. He was insane. He didn't know the difference. Difference between what? Many things. Hate and love, pain and happiness, insanity and sanity.

Now, you may be wondering how this was his happiest time? Well, think. If you were alone your whole life, rejected and hated, and suddenly something came along that could take away your emotions, wouldn't that make you happy? For certainly feeling nothing at all is better than feeling hurt, pain, sadness, loneliness, _betrayal._

Everyone around him knew that he was insane. Temari, his sister, possibly one of the few who might have cared for him in the slightest, knew it. She knew it every time he lashed out, every time he dropped a bloody corpse from his sands grip. She knew it every time he glared at her, every time he spoke and threatened her with death. Yes, Temari knew that Gaara was insane. She regretted it, and wished she could change it. Hated herself for never being able to do something, and hated herself more for hating Gaara for what he did. Temari was full of hate, but she wasn't blinded by it. She knew that Gaara was insane.

Kankuro knew it as well, though unlike Temari, might not of felt remorse. He must of felt something for his brother, but it was different. Kankuro isn't like Temari, and he has different views. For every time that Gaara threatens him, glares at him, _abuses_ him, he hates his brother more. I'm sure he wishes that Gaara was different, and I'm sure that he loves Gaara in some slight, twisted way, but the fact is, who _wouldn't_ hate the brother who tried to kill him or her?

Everyone else knows that Gaara is insane, and everyone hates or fears him. Baki, his father, all of the Suna Village. Even Naruto, the boy who saved him.

This is another debate. Though Naruto certainly helped Gaara, there is only so much damage that can be repaired. Some damage just cannot be undone.

Without Naruto, Gaara probably would have died completely. He was already dead inside, so who's too say that his body wouldn't go soon? It would be a shock if there was anything more than the sand shield that stopped him from killing himself as a child.

Naruto brought alive a part of what was already dead, but nothing could truly repair Gaara. Sometimes, if you are insane, you can be fixed, but Gaara was not a toy that was tossed aside. He may not be truly human, and he may not be fully alive, but he's not a toy. And he cannot be repaired.

Gaara's definitely more stable now. After fighting another person who has felt his pain, he pulled himself back. He must of gotten some of his sanity back, but it's not enough. People do not change that easily. Most people never change. He can think now, he can control himself, and he can have normal conversations. But that won't last forever. Nothing lasts forever.

One day he will fall back into his insanity. It's inevitable. One day, whether of it's own accord or not, that little sanity that is now keeping him together will crumble away. Who's to say that he doesn't keep a knife with him? Maybe one day Shukaku wont keep that sand shield up, and Gaara _will_ take that chance. It's not a matter of _if_; it's a matter of _when_. _When_ he will break, _when_ he will give up, _when he will kill himself_.

Sanity is not something that most people lack, but Gaara lacks it. That little bit he has hardly counts. No, Gaara is still insane, and always will be. And who is to say that he even know sit anymore? He might, and he certainly did at one point, but reality and fiction can meld together if given the choice. Perhaps for Gaara, sanity and insanity have melded together. Melded so tightly that they can never pull apart.

Perhaps, for Gaara _is_ insanity.

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**Authors Note: **Alright, there you have it, my first fanfic! Sorry that it's a one-shot, but you'll be getting a lot of those from me. This story featured my favorite Naruto character, Gaara.

This turned out quite differently than what I had planned. I don't know if I'll be writing a lot of fanfics like this or not, since they are rather odd.

I apologize if this made little sense. If you don't understand parts, please inform me and I'll try to clarify! D Also, please inform me of any spelling or grammar errors.

Also, this is a little short. I (at least I hope) will be writing longer ones in the future! ;)

Also, thank you too Clecky for the grammar help! I really appreciate it!


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